Mom guilt or mum guilt. It’s not for me. That’s not to say I don’t get judged by others, and that there aren’t situations outside my control that bring it up.
I also recognise I am in a position of privilege as a white woman in a first-world country. I do not have to choose between feeding my son something unhealthy or not feeding him at all.
With that said, if it is my decision or my actions- I am not going to have an ounce of guilt around it. I’ll tell you why and hopefully give you some insight into how you can subscribe to the same philosophy.
I am an enneagram eight, wing seven. If you don’t know your enneagram, then I encourage you to check it out (here is a test to help you!). It is really comforting to know there is a whole class of people pretty similar to you in thoughts and behaviours. Part of being an eight is being steadfast in decisions and really backing yourself. As well as logically arriving at decisions.
So for me to make a decision, I have to think through it logically, arrive at a conclusion and that’s it. There is no back and forth. No changing my mind. It’s done. I commit and love it with so much excitement and joy.
Now of course that sounds a bit too simple, of course, I have some fantastic logical internal debates… but once a decision is made the debate is over.
So with anything that comes to me or my family. Once I have thought through something and committed, I don’t really backpedal or feel any guilt. Because I am 100% sold on my decision.
Putting my son in daycare was a 12-month debate. But once I made the decision. BOOM. No regrets and here he is in daycare on our holidays, because it is without a doubt the best decision for our family.
Taking 24 hours off parenting to head to the city to go for drinks and get my hair done. No guilt. Living my best life. And loving my son just as much when I get home.
Now, this isn’t to say I am a negligent parent or that I spend more time away from my son than with him- neither are true. But as you might suspect others will judge and that is fine. This is an incredibly controversial topic. I wanted to shed some light on where I sit in this tumultuous and omnipresent subject.
SO HOW CAN YOU BE 100% SOLD ON YOUR DECISION TO WORK OR TRAVEL OR DO SOMETHING OUTSIDE BEING A MUM AND HAVE ZERO GUILT?
Mia Freedman of Mamma Mia recently did an IGTV about making difficult decisions. And I loved it. It makes decisions so black and white and strips back that internal debate.
As you can see for me, it isn’t the debate that negates the mum's guilt. It is a wholehearted belief in my decision is the right one.
Mia’s video is definitely one to watch, but I will break it down for you.
When you are faced with a decision you will have two outcomes. Option A and option B.
Pretend you have selected option A. How do you feel? Are you excited? Nervous? Regret your decision?
Now pretend you have selected option B. How do you feel? Ecstatic? Enthused?
Out of the two of these, there should be a clear winner of how you feel. And that is what will help sell you on that decision.
I encourage you to test this out. Next time you feel a twinge of guilt. Think about what option B was. Would you have similar feelings or less guilt? If not then it’s time to let your guilt go.
I have clients that often have a huge amount of guilt about the time they are spending away from their families. But if we re-imagine their situation and change their reality and they pretend to live in that- then often they see they have already made the best choice. We just need them to get 100% sold on it.
WHAT DO YOU DO TO GET SOLD ON YOUR DECISIONS?
